So, you say you have communication problems ??

What's communication really about ??


It's tempting to think that couples therapy is about communication skills.

I believe that it's not about communication as much as it's really about things like perception or courage.  Courage to fully be yourself, and at the same time, being able to let the other person be him or herself, even if he or she kind of drives you batty, and staying connected with some caring through whatever comes up.

That means listening deeply with curiosity.  So communication skills become more about hold-your-tongue skills.  It means managing your experience including your sense of self.  It's about the how.  How you are with each other.  Maintaining some quality of connection, some consciousness of caring, some balance of caring for both your needs as well as for the needs and experience of the other person.  Even if problems are not solved or needs are not met as much as you'd like, the caring that you can both have can help you get through it, and in a way that feels much better.